I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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