Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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