Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
