well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
