the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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