How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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