i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
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He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
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My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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