I murdered the dance floor call the cops
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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