In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
