I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
