Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
