he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
