so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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