you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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