halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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