hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
