Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
