dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
