i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
