I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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