I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
