the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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