I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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