just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
