i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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