so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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