Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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