Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
