If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
