omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
