no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
