Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
