I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
