when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
honey bunches of taint.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
