Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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