So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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