im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
