Umm I'm too high to move.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
