Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
