i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
