He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
