I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
