you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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