help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
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He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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