I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
