she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
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He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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