What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
