May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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