Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
