honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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