I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
why do cheetos always look like penises
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
