if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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