grandma shit on top of the toilet
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
