you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
