Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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