Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
