i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I need a burrito and a hug.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
