You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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