We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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