ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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