Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
