Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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