I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
