Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
