you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
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