so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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