He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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