...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
