I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
