thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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