Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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