I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Everclear isn't food dammit
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
