i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
