So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
